DOPAMINE PoT Dream Novel: Just Friends

Just Friends


The greatest mistake you can make is to be continually fearing you will make one
Elbert Hubbard

It was an unpleasantly warm day. The sun beat down on Tokyos streets, making the people who walked on them hunching their backs down while their heads were hanging low, trying to escape the sun as fast as they could. Children were running around, their ice creams dripping red and brown spots onto the pavement and their feet leaving hollow sounds which were drowned out by their mothers yelling.

School girls were laughing and chattering in their high-pitched voices, their skirts fluttering in the soft breeze that sprang up from time to time.

was sitting on one of the benches, her left hand holding a white parasol high above her head while she tried to light a cigarette with her other. She grumbled when her lighter showed no sign of spitting a flame out and threw it onto the ground with a loud clattering noise.

leaned back against the bench and crossed her legs- her white skirt was sweeping against her smooth thighs and stopped short above her knees. She saw no real reason to wear trousers or a long skirt on such a hot summer day even when her boss sometimes insisted on doing so. But she had a day off today which meant she could wear whatever she wanted to and she could also shield herself from the burning sun with a parasol to protect her alabaster skin from tanning.

put her cigarette away when she saw a man approaching her- she stood up, grabbed her handbag and tried to turn her pretty face into a frowning one.

Youre late! grumbled and clicked her tongue when the man finally reached her. He tried to kiss her but she moved aside and twirled once, laughing when she saw his flabbergasted expression. reached out and took his hand in hers.

Where are we going today, Hiroshi? she asked, her eyes glittering in the sunlight.

***


Youre late, Niou says smirking and looks up from his drink. He leans back against the bar stool hes sitting on and twirls the glass filled with nothing but diet coke in his left hand so that the liquid inside nearly spills out of its vessel.

And here I thought that that was my catchphrase, a woman replies, one hand reaching for her sunglasses while her other is pulling the stool next to Niou aside. The woman sighs when she sits down and looks up into Nious bright green eyes when she notices him staring.

I was just asking myself if you got even prettier in the last few hours we havent seen each other, . Niou says nonchalantly and reaches out to touch the womans long brown hair. moves aside swiftly so that Nious hand reaches nothing but pure air. The silver-haired man just lifts his eyebrows and pulls his hand back, still staring at the woman beside him.

We already did enough damage, dont you think so? then asks softly, her gaze faltering under Nious staring. She grabs her purse tightly and swings her legs back and forth, hitting the counter from time to time.

Niou doesnt say anything. His smirk vanishes after s words, knowing what shes talking about, knowing what she wants to tell him even if he has to read between the lines.

He left, . You know that as well as I do.

doesnt reply to Nious statement. She just continues to swing her legs back and forth and takes a sip from Nious coke when her throat suddenly feels dry and sandy. After a while she fishes a pack of cigarettes out of her purse and lights the one she pulled out of it. Niou immediately starts snickering and makes a grab for the pack.

I thought you quit smoking! he says and pulls a cigarette out as well, lighting it with s lighter and taking a deep drag. Niou inhales the biting smoke and coughs when he takes another drag. just looks at him while smoking her own cigarette.

You know that I didnt, she then tells Niou and lets a smile adore her lips. I never did. Even when Hiroshi always asked me to quit.

***


Do you wanna eat salad or rice? asked and turned around to look at Yagyuu, still chopping a small piece of cucumber. She wore an apron and her hair was tied up in a ponytail so that it wouldnt get in the way while cooking supper.

Yagyuu looked up from the book he was reading, his glasses sliding down a millimetre before he pushed them up hastily. Just salad for me, thank you, he answered and smiled. Yagyuu looked down to his book again but his eyes werent moving, staring at a spot right next to his left hand as if he was lost in his own reverie.

Hiroshi? asked and raised her eyebrows, waving a ladle in front of his face.

Ah, sorry, I mustve spaced out, he said and smiled again. tapped her foot but when Yagyuu decided to turn his attention back to his book for the second time, she revolved again and started chopping the lettuces head.

Did you know that Maruis getting married? asked after a while, putting the sharp knife aside and wiping her hands off at her apron. Out from the corner of her eyes, she could see that Yagyuu was raising his head to look at the woman a few feet away from him. Of course, he answered in that matter-of-fact tone. His glasses were reflecting the setting summer sun, glittering sharply so that squirmed a bit.

Then she laughed out loud, her voice sounding like jingling bells. You know that well attend the wedding, do you? winked and grinned at her boyfriend. Yagyuu lay his book on the kitchen table and stood up, one hand reaching into his hair to ruffle it a bit.

Of course, he said again. I wouldve been quite upset if he hadnt sent us an invitation. I mean, we were being in the same class for several years. Then Yagyuu turned his head to smile at , that one adorable smile she fell head over heels in love with, every day, every hour, every minute, every second.

Thats great! exclaimed and hugged Yagyuus arm. She lay her head against his shoulder and smiled softly. I wanna wear a white dress. Oh, and this new pair of high heels I bought last week; they would fit perfectly! Yagyuu laughed when he heard that and patted s head as if she was a little child and not a woman in her early twenties.

You know that youre not the bride, ne? he asked and stared at him with a death glare.

I wish I would be, she sighed and looked up at Yagyuu, but he wasnt looking at her. Instead, he moved his head to the side as if he was staring into space again. sighed for the second time and let go of his arm.

***


leans back against the sofa in her living room, her head resting against the soft cushion. She stares at the ceiling while contemplating various things in her mind. Her cellphone starts buzzing deep inside her handbag which she threw on the floor right after entering her apartment.

Its probably Niou again, thinks and closes her eyes. She has never felt that tired in her life and when her cellphone stops ringing in that annoying noise stands up and walks over into the kitchen to boil a cup of hot water.

Her eyes are falling on a photo which is hanging right next to the fridge, three people grinning into the camera while posing in the hot summer sun. The girls wearing a big white sunhat and is smiling knowingly as if she knew - back then - what would happen in the future. More than a year has already passed after this picture was taken.

leans her head against the closed fridge and stares at the photo, the hot water long forgotten. She only startles when her cellphone starts to buzz again.

***


Do you remember the day when the two of us met? asked and propped herself up to look at Yagyuu. They had been lying in bed all day long- it was too cold to go outside; the snow was falling down mercilessly and covered the streets of Tokyo like a thick, white blanket.

Yagyuu turned around at the question and his eyes were huge and myopic when he looked at her without wearing his glasses.

I remember it rather well, he said and knit his brows. Werent you the one who kept shouting at me because I accidentally bumped into you?

smacked his forehead with her left hand and chuckled. I lost my balance and fell down; of course I had to yell at you!

Yagyuu sighed and closed his eyes for a second.

Thats already six years ago, he murmured after a while, and reached for s hand. He put it into his and entwined their fingers. I would have never thought that Id fall in love with you soon after.

laughed when she heard that and gave Yagyuu a kiss. Me neither, Hiroshi, me neither.

To be honest Yagyuu began and opened his eyes to look at the woman beside him again, I always thought youd end up with Masaharu. It was just a feeling, but you two always seemed to be comfortable around each other and he really, really liked you.

Oh, Im flattered, grinned but when she saw the serious expression in Yagyuus brown eyes she went quiet and rested her head against his left shoulder. She breathed in his scent, a soft mixture of cologne and the scent that was obviously his own. An uncomfortable silence settled in and neither of them dared to break it, their breathing being the only noise in the room, soft but not in the same rhythm.

Masaharu will come over next week, Yagyuu said after a few minutes of silence and blinked surprised. He called me yesterday and wants to stay at my apartment for a few days. He said I should call him back if thats ok with you.

Of course its fine with me! exclaimed and let go of Yagyuus hand. I mean, its your apartment so you decide whos staying here and whos not but Im so excited to see Niou again! We havent seen each other since July! With that she snuggled closer to Yagyuu, happy to meet one of her best friends again.

After graduating from High School, Niou had left to live and study in Nagoya while Yagyuu and had decided to start their own lives in Tokyo. Three years had passed since then and the three of them had always kept in touch somehow, and Niou always tried to meet both of them as often as he could.

What didnt know was that Nious next visit would change her life forever.

***


A packet of Marlboro Lights, please.

fishes some money out of her purse and watches the young cashier grabbing a bronze-white pack out of the shelf right behind him. He lays it in front of and stares at her with huge eyes, probably checking her out and contemplating how to ask for her phone number.

But turns around hastily and stuffs the packet of cigarettes into her handbag. She leaves the small supermarket near her apartment and a silver-haired man approaches her, a smirk spreading across his face.

You really should quit smoking, Niou says casually and reaches for s hand to take it into his. His other hand curls around her waist and pets her tummy. doesnt move but she smiles a bit, knowing that Niou is right but never really trying to fight against that old and bad habit of hers.

Where are we going? she asks instead and lifts her eyebrows. She turns around and looks at Niou, a questioning look in her eyes.

Who knows? Niou shrugs and lets go of her, moving a bit aside and putting his hands in his pockets. I want to surprise you.

Hm, just hums and follows Niou through the dark streets of Tokyo. The summer is slowly going by and shes already wearing a light jacket to stop herself from shivering outside. Niou doesnt seem to care if hes freezing; he just keeps on walking ahead in his jeans and black shirt.

When they stop at a set of traffic lights to watch the cars and busses rattle by Niou turns his head and stares into s eyes for a long while. Are you being at one with the world? he then asks and reaches out to take her hand again. squirms slightly when she hears Nious question and if she wouldve been honest to him all the time, she would have answered Of course not! Look at me, Im a young woman who was left behind and whos wallowing in self-pity! Instead she fakes a smile and squeezes Nious hand.

I think I am, answers and when the traffic light flashes up in a light green, Niou smiles satisfied.

***


Niou slammed his wine glass hard onto the table and chuckled. sat next to him, taking a nip of her own wine from time to time and leaning back against the sofa. Yagyuu was taking his time- he still had to do some stuff for work and left to drive back to his office one hour ago, leaving Niou and alone in his apartment.

I cant believe I missed Maruis wedding, Niou said and shook his head. He wanted to grab his glass again but noticed that it was empty and decided to lean back against the soft cushion of Yagyuus sofa as well. I remember that he sent me an invitation a few months ago but I was so busy with my studies that I totally forgot about it.

Its too late now anyway, sighed and looked at Niou with an intense expression in her eyes. He got married in September and its already the end of November. You shouldve been there, he was really sad to know that you were too busy to come to Tokyo.

Yeah, yeah, my fault, Niou winked. His gaze was already unsteady and his eyes started to droop. pinched his arm so that he wouldnt fall asleep before Yagyuu returned. Niou sighed and turned his head to look at the woman next to him. She was still as beautiful and gorgeous as on the first day he had met her in High School. Theyd gotten along from the start, always teasing each other and making jokes behind other peoples backs.

Niou lifted his hand and reached out to touch s cheek. She didnt move and just stared back at him, thinking this was an act of friendship, a gesture to show that he cared.

I was always fearing to make this mistake, Niou whispered and noticed that his hand started to shake when he trailed his fingers down her cheek, in the direction of her soft lips. Goosebumps rose on the back of her neck but she didnt dare to make a move in case she might hurt Nious feelings.

Niou suddenly shifted and leaned forward. He tilted his head but stopped moving any further, his face only inches away from s. His breath on her lips tasted of expensive wine and licked her lower lip to taste more of that bittersweet flavour. Then she closed the last bit of distance between them, her lips brushing velvety against Nious. shivered at the touch of his lips on her own but Niou kissed back immediately, one hand sliding down her hip while the other nestled in her long hair.

parted her lips when Nious teeth started to nip at them, and he deepened the kiss. didnt know what was going on- her mind was swirling and the alcohol took its toll on her, letting her lean against Yagyuus sofa when Niou pressed their bodies together and slowly started to lift up s skirt

***


And Niou? Is he alright?

sighs and leans her cellphone between her left shoulder and her head while trying to open a package of spaghetti. Marui is silent on the other line but his breathing is hollow and quiet which is a sign that he hasnt hung up yet.

Well, yes, hes fine, answers nonchalantly and reaches out to shift a pot aside. He returned to Nagoya this week but hell be back next Monday.

Marui hums slowly and can hear shouting and stomping in the background. She knows that Maruis wife gave birth to a girl two months ago but she doesnt dare to ask how things are going on- Marui always ended up complaining anyway because he was absolutely overstrained with the whole situation.

After a while Marui speaks again but his voice is quiet and slightly unsure.

And Yagyuu? Did he call? he asks, and drops the spoon she was holding in her hand. It falls to the ground with a loud noise and she picks it up hastily to put it back onto the kitchenette.

No, she whispers. No, he didnt call. He didnt call since March.

Oh, is the only answer Marui gives and then the line goes dead and the battery of s cellphone blinks one last time. She leans back against the fridge and sighs heavily, her heart beating painfully like it never did before.

***


They met up in a secluded cafEnear the Tsurumai Park in Nagoya. was already feeling tired and exhausted because she drove all the way from Tokyo to Nagoya to meet Niou without even stopping once to take a break. Yagyuu was busy with work so she told him that shed stay at Nious apartment over the weekend. Yagyuu had just nodded and continued to sort out his papers.

put down her sunglasses when Niou approached their table, holding two coffee cups in his hands. Steam rose up in little clouds and sniffed the distinctive smell of hot and newly brewed coffee.

Its only February and youre already wearing sunglasses, Niou chuckled when he sat down opposite to . He put his hands around his steaming cup to warm them. didnt answer when she put the sunglasses back into her bag and took a look at her cellphone if she had any unread messages from Yagyuu. There was nothing.

So what are your plans for today? Niou asked after taking a sip of his coffee and waggled his eyebrows, but didnt grin. Her hands were folded on her lap and she was staring into space.

This must stop, Niou, she then said and tried to look at him out from the corner of her eyes but they were pricking and burning, and tried to hold back the tears that started to dwell. She gulped. This our affair. I cant do this to Hiroshi. What if he finds out?!

He wont find out, Niou hissed angrily and put his cup of coffee down, glaring through his bangs. Hes too busy with his damn work anyway. Do you think hed even care?

s hands started to shake when she heard Nious last sentence. She didnt know if Yagyuu would care if she would come back to him after putting an end to hers and Nious affair- he probably wouldnt even notice a change, continuing his work day in and day out while was waiting for a holiday so that they could finally meet up again. She would have never thought that his work would destroy her own relationship.

And did you even think about my feelings? Niou continued and raised her head to look at the silver-haired man. His eyes showed anger and sadness. Do you even love me?

Of course I do! snapped. But but I

Yeah, and you love him, too, right? Great! With that Niou stood up, threw a bill onto the table and left. didnt dare to turn around to hold him back.

Why? Why did it even get this far? It shouldve stopped right after our first kiss in Hiroshis apartment. s head was spinning and she tried to stop the pain by rubbing her temples, but it only got worse. Her vision blurred, tears were rising up in her big brown eyes and her stomach turned. tried to get up but nearly stumbled when she passed her table and the chair she had been sitting on.

Is everything alright? someone asked and a hand reached out to help her walk steadily. But the gross feeling in her stomach didnt fade away when a young woman helped her to sit down next to the counter. stumbled out of the chair again, not listening to the things the young woman tried to tell her, and before she could even open the door to the womans bathroom, she threw up in front of it and sank to the ground with a loud sob.

Life had never felt that disastrous before.

***


Someone snatches the packet of cigarettes out of s hand when she tries to open it. She glares at the person who looms over her and sighs when the packet lands in the bin next to the sofa.

I cant believe that youre still smoking. Thats so irresponsible! a woman scolds and starts to fold the blanket that shes holding in her left hand. She stares at out from the corner of her eyes and shakes her head slowly.

Its comforting, mum! sniffs and stands up to help her mother with the packing. Besides, Im only smoking one or two cigarettes per day; its not hurting anyone, is it?

Youre pregnant, her mum hisses and packs the blanket in the huge travelling bag which lies on the ground beside her. hands her a small pillow and her pyjama- a few days ago she had decided to stay at her parents house the week before giving birth to her daughter.

She remembers the day she found out about her pregnancy as if it had been yesterday- she had cried all day long and called Niou to tell him the news, and he didnt even seem to be too surprised. Her hands had been shaking when she dialed Yagyuus number but his phone had still been switched off.

hums. But Im grateful that youre helping me, mum, she says after a while and leans her head against her mothers shoulder. I dont think I could handle this alone.

In return, her mum pats her head and sighs slowly. You know that Niou-kun would take care of you if he wouldnt be in Nagoya because of his studies. And hell return this Saturday so lets hope that our little cutie will at least wait until Sunday, right?

smiles at her mums joke and closes her eyes. She has never felt that lonely before.

***


Nious hands were in s hair when he pressed her against the wall in the living room, his lips nearly bruising hers during the act of kissing and biting them. His mouth was eager and he had closed his eyes, one hand climbing down under s shirt while the other yanked almost softly at her strands.

melted under his touch, giving in and begging for more with each passing second. She tilted her head back when Nious lips found their way down to her collarbone, biting the flesh and pulling at her shirt. She knew that they shouldnt do this in Yagyuus apartment when hed stepped out to buy something for supper. But she knew that they couldnt stop. She knew that this couldnt stop either.

If it wasnt for Yagyuus wallet which fell to the ground during that moment, scattering coins and notes all over the laminate, they probably wouldnt have noticed him standing in the doorway.

What , Yagyuu tried to say but his voice broke, his face as white as the wall was leaning against.

Niou let go of , his face distorted in shame. s legs suddenly felt like jelly and she had to hold onto the bookshelf next to her, fearing that they could give in every second.

I Yagyuu , she whispered and tears filled her eyes, running down her cheeks like hot burning water. This was the come-down she had feared would happen since they shared their first kiss last winter. This was the moment which was breaking Yagyuus heart, seeing his girlfriend cheating on him with his best friend.

Yagyuu! We can explain! Niou yelled when Yagyuu turned around suddenly, picking up his wallet and grabbing the door handle tightly. His back was turned to the both of them but his shoulders shuddered, quiet sobs escaping his mouth from time to time. Then he pushed the door open and slammed it forcefully shut, shaking the wall paintings on impact.

And from then on, he never returned.

***


It is an unpleasantly warm day. The sun is beating down on Tokyos streets, making the people who walk on them hunching their backs down while their heads are hanging low, trying to escape the sun as fast as they can.

is sitting on one of the benches, her left hand holding a white parasol high above her head while she soothes her daughter whos lying in her arms. The young girl rests her small head against her mothers bosom and closes her eyes, sleep overwhelming her slowly.

Its already three weeks ago that gave birth to her daughter and she has left the hospital soon after to stay at her parents house for a while. Niou is still busy with his studies, promising that he would visit as often as he can. Hes still looking for an apartment in Tokyo but its hard to get one that isnt as tiny as a shoe box.

sighs heavily when she notices her daughters soft breathing and stands up slowly to put her back into the pink-grey baby buggy. She picks up her handbag and the folded parasol and starts to push the buggy forwards when she notices a tall man, leaning against the nearest tree and smiling at her.

The woman shields her eyes with her right hand so that the sun isnt blinding her.

Youre late, she smiles.

End

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